How to Succeed on Wall Street and Why You Should Absolutely Not Do It
A Moron's Guide to Surviving Your Dream Job
The Wall Street Success Manual They Don't Want You to Read
You did your time in the mud. Busted your hump all the way from Main Street to Wall Street (insert your own frustrating career here). You are living the dream, right? —- Right? — Well, If the 80-hour weeks are crushing your soul, your Peloton's collecting dust, and that tremor in your hand is from a little more than too much coffee, stick around for a sec. If your colleagues think you're killing it, but inside, you’re really just empty, it's natural to wonder how long you can keep this up. I'm here for when the golden handcuffs start to chafe. You have other choices to make, and I want to help.
Am I full of it?
Check out this totally free, no-obligation chapter of my book and see how I am an author who earns your trust before you invest.
Read Chapter 1 Free
Now Available: The Full Audiobook Experience
Listen to "How to Succeed on Wall Street and Why You Absolutely Should Not Do It: A Moron's Memoir" in its most authentic form — straight from the moron himself. Every painful, hilarious lesson comes alive in my own voice, complete with unfiltered commentary that would never make it past a publisher's desk. Plus, experience Orange Boat, my surprisingly popular Staten Island Ferry anthem, in its natural habitat. I want you to know that the difference between impossible and I’m Possible is just a little space. Allow me to offer that.
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Exclusive Content from the Book: Orange Boat, a Staten Island Ferry Love Song
Somewhere between writing a Wall Street survival guide and having a Midlife Awakening (it's only a crisis if you say so), I wrote a love song to my home town of Staten Island, that beautiful Orange Ferry that took me there. It was so important we made a music video with the Burnt Water crew. Why? Because sometimes the best way through a breakdown is a breakthrough. Hear the full song in the audiobook or check out the music video.
What Wall Street Veterans Are Saying About The Book
"This isn't just another Wall Street memoir — it's a survival guide wrapped in a straitjacket of humor."
—Wall Street Survivor
"Written by the king of street smarts (the kind you grew up on and the kind you make money on), this book will give you the hard-earned lessons no one wants to or will take the time to teach you. I started my career as a wide-eyed analyst under Steve and I've used every bit of wisdom I gained from that time throughout my career. Don’t be fooled by the self deprecating title, this book will help you in all walks of life, not just finance.“
–Matt O
“His vivid depictions of the relentless pressure in finance resonate with the high stakes that come with ambition and risk-taking. It’s a harsh landscape, one that demands both savvy and integrity. The struggle to maintain ethical standards amid a profit-driven environment is a theme I hold dear; like the characters in Rand’s novel, the author grapples with the tension between personal ambition and moral responsibility.
Overall, this book serves as a powerful reminder of the principles that should guide us in both business and life. It champions the need for a deeper engagement with our choices, urging us to appreciate the full spectrum of both art and economic activity. In a world where the individual’s contribution is paramount, this reflection challenges us to uphold our values while navigating and embracing the complexities of a capitalist society.”
–A Hallelujah Reader
Choose Your Own Adventure: A Moron’s Memoir Audio Experience, eBook, or Paperback
From Bathroom Protocols you won't find anywhere else to spot the Canaries flying around the coal mine, get every Pro Tip I learned the hard way, easily:
Paperback: Hold wisdom in your hands
Moron Merch: Got the Book? Now, Get the Look!
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Hot Boxin' with Steve Hats
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But Wait … There’s More Here for You
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Pro Tips that'll save your ass (and maybe your soul)
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Real Life Situation Meditations (because we need to exercise our minds too)
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Stories that'll make you feel better about your life choices — learn from my scars!
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A surprisingly useful guide to client bathrooms in Manhattan — and how to find them quickly!
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Why walking backward may be your only way to move forward in life…
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The most honest advice about success you'll ever hear. (Because I've earned my freedom and so can you.)
Real Life Situational Meditations Are My Gift to You — With Gratitude
As Seen in
As featured in Authority Magazine's series on leadership in finance, December 2024
Disclaimer: The insights and guidance shared in How to Succeed on Wall Street and Why You Absolutely Should Not Do It are based on S.A. Thomas's personal experiences and reflections within the finance industry. This content is provided for informational purposes only and should not be considered financial, legal, or professional advice. Readers are encouraged to seek advice from qualified professionals tailored to their specific circumstances before making any financial or career-related decisions.